Jun 292010

I was chatting to a member of staff I know from Mini-MaFt’s school (I know her from outside of school) this morning and what she told me made me chuckle. There were a couple of rabbits running around the staff car park and she pointed them out to me – apparently there are a lot of them around at the moment. She went on to tell me that she was asked, the other day, to go around the playground and sweep up all the rabbit poo. Apparently the kids have been picking them up and eating them at break time!

Regardless of the fact that she wouldn’t have time to carry out such a task, surely it is easier to teach the kids not to eat rabbit poo? However, I do feel that the governments insistence of ‘five-a-day’ of fruit and veg is solely to blame. The kids clearly think they are raisins.

In order to help, I have produced this handy guide:

May 292010

Shortly after my 3rd birthday something special was released in the UK – ‘Return of The Jedi’. My two oldest brothers, Tim and Nat, got to go see it at the cinema while Andy and myself were left behind. I’m not sure whether our parents felt that the Ewoks would be too frightening for us or whether they simply couldn’t afford to take all four of us! Regardless of the reason, we were consoled with a 99 Flake when the ice cream van came by.

Yesterday something special was released in the UK – Apple’s iPad. I’d love one but I simply can’t afford one. So, in homage to the day I was denied Return of The Jedi, I bought myself a 99 Flake to console myself. Some things just never change!

Apr 092010

…before I leave my 20’s!

Wow, this is slightly weird. In 37 minutes I’ll be 30. I’m not one to moan about feeling old or having a crisis about it, it just seems weird to say I’m 30! Three-Oh. Thirty. Twenty-ten. However you say it, it still means I’ve been around for 3 full decades come midnight.

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 Posted by at 11:23 pm
Mar 162010

Today I had a weird instant messenger conversation with my mate, ‘P’. ‘P’ does computer repair down south and often gets frustrated with people who pretend to know ‘computer stuff’ – I do too. It started of fairly normal (although unless you read any of our previous chats the reference to the XP DVD burning update might seem a bit random) but rapidly went a bit weird…: Continue reading »

Jan 112010

On Saturday I called to a Tesco Local while Mrs-MaFt and Mini-Mrs-MaFt were at dancing class. We didn’t need much –  just a newspaper, some cat food and some sweets for the kids. When I got to the till the till operator – hang on… till OPERATOR?! Glorified name or what?! How hard is it to ‘operate’ a till?! Scan – Beep – Scan – Beep – Card – PIN – Kerching! Anyway, I digress, the ‘valued Tesco employee’ then asked if I was “stocking up for tonight’s snow”. Hang on, I was buying a newspaper, some cat food and some sweets – just one of each item. This is NOT stocking up! To me, stocking up implies buying a lot of each item, not just one!

More to the point, do I actually LOOK like someone who lives off of cat food and sweets?

Nov 272009

Big UmbrellaThere’s one thing that I hate more than anything else. Well, actually there are loads of things that I hate but for the sake of a simplified blog post there’s just the one!

What is it that gets me wound up so much?! You may be able to guess from the title and, no, it’s not Rhianna (although chart music does feature in my full list) it’s people who insist on wearing umbrellas at the slightest drop of rain. Come on, we live in England, we should be used to a bit of rain; a lot of rain perhaps. Your hair and clothes will dry and God was clever enough to make your skin waterproof.

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 Posted by at 11:09 am
Dec 192007

Place names are usually fairly descriptive, for example Hill Top Road is a road at the top of a hill; Hill Top Fisheries is a Chippy at the top of a hill; Little John’s Kebab Hut is a kebab hut owned by a man called John who happens to be vertically challenged.

So, from that, what would you expect Four Lane Ends and Five Lane Ends to be? Logically it would be the point where 4/5 lanes meet, perhaps at a roundabout or at a traffic light controlled junction…? Well, you’d be wrong for thinking that! Here they are:

As you can see, Four Lane Ends would be better off called “One Lane Goes Through and Two Others End” and Five Lane Ends is clearly “Six Lane Ends”…

I wonder if it’s worth starting a one-man campaign to get their names changed?


Feb 162005

There’s a large amount of building work going on in one of the building’s where I work. Walking past it earlier today I noticed that they’ve literally taken out the whole of the ground floor with only a couple of supporting columns holding up the ceiling and the 5 floors of concrete-building above it.

Now, anyone who has played Jenga knows that the less support there is on the bottom, the higher the chance of the tower falling over. Take figure 1, below:

Photo couresy of http://youth.hayhill.org/blog/2004/200407/20040716/jenga.jpg

Of the two remaining blocks on the bottom, if the right-hand one was removed the tower would balance, perhaps rather precariously, but it would balance. If one were to remove the left-hand block then, quite clearly, the tower would collapse and everyone would mock the rubbish player and make them rebuild the tower for the next game.

Now, I am not a professional builder (if you’re interested I am, in fact, a Biological Research Technician at the University of Leeds) but to me it seems as though by removing the ground floor of the building they have essentially ‘removed the left-hand block’. I sure as hell hope they know what they’re doing…


 Posted by at 4:19 pm