Instead we get to see stupid rumours about Apple things that have so little substance that they are laughable. It doesn’t happen with any other company – I’ve never read a blog/news post about Company A sending an email to Company B therefore Company A must be developing product XYZ but that’s what I see on an almost daily basis with so called news reports for Apple.

The current one is that “Apple have a SatNav service in the works” (I’ve seen this on at least 4 sites now) with their proof being that Apple have big data centres an they bought Siri (a voice recognition company) last year ergo they are developing a SatNav service. What??!!! How the heck can a serious journalist even make that link? Hell, even Eddie Izzard or Ross Noble would struggle to link those things together. Has it even crossed their mind that maybe they bought a voice recognition company to improve the existing voice recognition software currently used in their iPhones? Maybe the larger data centre could be a direct link to them doubling the audio previews in iTunes from 30secs to 1min? Or even the fact that they have more and more and more songs, videos, films and tv programmes available to buy/rent in iTunes and so they need more space?

If this annoys me so much I hate to see how I get when the iPhone 5 feature-list ‘news’ start…

An in other news, last month we got a new cat. Rumour has it that because of this we are moving to Chester. There’s a link there somewhere… Go blog it to the world as fact!

It’s a big commitment, once you get to ‘Z’ you need to start back at ‘A’ again and like in Mallet’s Mallet you cannot repeat yourself – the elves and wolves, remember them? So, my question is this: Am I committed enough to start doing ‘Music Monday’? We’ll see…

There is a theory in Quantum Mechanics (a branch of physics) that matter can both exist and not exist at the same time – this is referred to as a ‘superposition’. Admittedly it is somewhat more complex than that – feel free to Google or Wiki it. Back in 1935 a few boffins got together to discuss this, and other ‘life-threatening’ physics mumbo-jumbo, to which Schrödinger came up with a purposefully absurd rebuttal involving a cat in a box. If the lid is closed and a random event might or might not occur which, in turn, might or might not trigger a toxic spray, then the cat both exists (is alive) and doesn’t exist (is dead) at the same time. As the cat is not visible when the box is closed there is no way to prove or disprove this ridiculous idea. A cat cannot be alive and dead at the same time. In fact, mice can’t either. Moles, on the other hand, could be a different story; I’ve yet to make up my mind.

I believe Schrödinger made this ridiculous proposal to prove a point that just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it can defy all common sense and be both alive and dead at the same time. They never taught you this equation at school but the Law of MaFt states that:

cS > P [where 'cS' is Common Sense and 'P' is Physics]

Times have moved on and we can take this one step further. Advances in technology have given us Soda Streams, digital watches and microwave ovens. The latter is essentially a box with a window (and some radiation). So, can we now prove that matter cannot exist and not exist at the same time? Of course we can! We have a modern box with a window! Can Schrödingers cat in a box be both alive and dead at the same time? Well, let’s take a look…

So, let’s see what happens when we put our modern day cat into our modern day box with the aid of this rather gruesome YouTube video… I jest, of course! But anyway, try it at home with a cat and a microwave (750W: 5 minutes / 850W: 4 minutes; allow to cool for 1 minute) and see for yourself that matter cannot exist and not exist at the same time. A cat in a microwave is alive (4m 23s) or dead (4m 24s) – there is no middle ground. What were they thinking?!

So, in conclusion, my cat in a modern-day-box will be dead anytime soon thus proving that Quantum Mechanics is a load of confusing tosh invented purely to give physics geeks something to do at A-Level and an excuse for BBC Four presenters to bring their pets to work.

Try to prove me wrong and I will turn the tables to prove I am both right and wrong at the same time.

Thanks to:

Huge thanks to Kathy at JunkDrawerBlog for permission to use the ‘cat in a microwave‘ photo. It’s not a real cat by the way!!

Lots of people are talking about product recalls or free bumpers (cases for the iPhone 4 that, because they stop direct contact between sweaty fingers and the phone’s antennae, stop the ‘reception issue’ from showing as much). However, my theory is quite different:

When you update the firmware on the iPhone you are given a great big End-User License Agreement (EULA) that no one ever reads. Ever. Yesterdays iOS 4.0.1 release will likely have said something along the lines of:

…by installing this iPhone software update you are hereby acknolwedging that there are no issues with the iPhone 4′s antennae and there is no reception issue. Ergo, you cannot sue us or complain any more. Ever. About anything. Love from Mr Jobs.

So, later today, when Mr Jobs stands up in front of the worlds media and blogosphere he will stand there all smug and say “Well, 4 million iPhone 4 users just updated to 4.0.1 and, by doing so and agreeing to my terms, have confirmed there are no issues. Please go home and relax. Good night.”

There you have it, how many times have you been told to read everything before you agree? Now you know why.

Regardless of the fact that she wouldn’t have time to carry out such a task, surely it is easier to teach the kids not to eat rabbit poo? However, I do feel that the governments insistence of ‘five-a-day’ of fruit and veg is solely to blame. The kids clearly think they are raisins.

In order to help, I have produced this handy guide:

Yesterday something special was released in the UK – Apple’s iPad. I’d love one but I simply can’t afford one. So, in homage to the day I was denied Return of The Jedi, I bought myself a 99 Flake to console myself. Some things just never change!

Wow, this is slightly weird. In 37 minutes I’ll be 30. I’m not one to moan about feeling old or having a crisis about it, it just seems weird to say I’m 30! Three-Oh. Thirty. Twenty-ten. However you say it, it still means I’ve been around for 3 full decades come midnight.

You know what’s funny though? My Mum’s “little baby” is 30, that means she’s somewhat older! So, because there are far more people who are older than me I’m not going to moan about being ‘old’. I’m still young at heart (don’t they all say that?!). My only moan is this:

I’ve got one grey hair for every year of my life. DAMMIT! I’m 30!!!

See you on the other side!

1984

2010

P: forgot to tell you i found an MS update the other day that adds DVD and ISO burning to WinXP. Installed it to old PC but not tried it yet..

M: cool

P: also Nero 9OEM for £3

M: i have win7 now. it’s the future
M: cos it’s a bigger number

P: sorry nero isn’t the update…
P: i’ve got 7 too but other PC is XP

M: though really win98 should be the best

P: i liked windows word 5

M: how come, right, my windows is windows xp but word tells me it’s 2003?

P: what version of word?

M: it’s windows xp
M: so it shoudl be word xp but it says word 2003
M: so does that mean i’m actually on windows 2003?

P: probably.
P: word XP was 2002

M: damn – my printer’s nt compatible with windows 2003

P: can’t you incrrease the gigabytes?

M: it needs windows USB – apparently won’t work without that version
M: i have 1gigibytes of memory – is that enough? will i run out of space?

P: how many photos do you have in words?

M: think most of them go in there – words is the one where it shows a small version of the pictures, isn’t it?
M: can i delete the small pictures from there as it’s only the full size versions i’m bothered about

P: why does my broadband not make my PC faster?

M: ah, i know this one
M: it depends how many other people are using facebook at the same time. you see it’s only “up to” 8megagigabytes
M: which means you won’t get that full amount – AND even if you DID get the full 8 your hard drive is 250gigabytes so the 8 won’t actually increase your current computer

P: ah so if i’m downloading a game how many emails can i recieve

M: i don’t think you can get emails while a game is downloading?

P: my friend said you can because of the width of the bands and stuff

M: it would probably give you a virus as the email would mix in with the game anyway.
M: i woldn’t risk it.
M: unless it was a really fast game
M: then you could download the game before you even had chance to log in to aol webmail

The sad thing is, a lot of the statements here are things we hear real people actually saying…